


Nightmares and Daydreams

by dorkygabriel



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Keith has nightmares, M/M, Pining Lance (Voltron), but its not real, everyone is worried about keith, keith is Stressed, lance is super worried about him, no one actually dies, set in season 3 before shiro is back, theres vague descriptions of major character death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-22
Updated: 2017-10-06
Packaged: 2019-01-04 00:57:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12158328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dorkygabriel/pseuds/dorkygabriel
Summary: Keith has nightmares about Lotor, and doesn't handle it too well.Luckily, the team is trying to help him. Trying being the key word.





	1. Chapter one

**Author's Note:**

> Aaaaaaaa im back at it again - writing keith angst 
> 
> Honestly, this is one of the most self indulgent things I've ever written. It's loosely based on the Avatar episode 'nightmares and daydreams', which is why I used that title, because I couldn't think of anything better. Of course, it is quite a loose base, because Aang wants to help himself, Keith is stubborn. But the general idea of nightmares, stressing, and the others trying to get him to sleep. 
> 
> Be warned, there's going to be at least 3 chapters, probably 4, and the reason I wanted to write this comes right at the end, lmao. I'm a mess. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you like it!

 

_Lotor and Keith circled each other, but the difference between them was vast. Keith was tense, gripping onto his bayard so hard that, under his gloves, his knuckles turned white. His cautious gaze never left Lotor, waiting for any kind of suspicious movement, ready for him to strike. Lotor, however, was calm, looming over Keith with a relaxed posture, even a smirk on his face. He wasn't afraid of Keith, but it was obvious that Keith was afraid of him. The two stayed that way, circling around, waiting for the other to strike for a few moments with an eerie silence hanging in the air, only disrupted by the shuffling of their feet. Until Lotor finally broke the silence._

_"Here we are, paladin_ _." He sneered, though neither of them stopping circling. "The final showdown. I have to say, I'm disappointed. I expected more out of the Black Paladin. Much more."_

_Keith tried not to let the words get to him. He knew Lotor was trying to get into his head, to make it easier to attack. But the words held truth to them, more than Keith wanted to accept._

_"I mean, really, you aren't fit to be the leader. Look at you, so scared, so_ fragile _." Lotor's smirk grew and he jerked forward. Not to attack Keith, but to spook him._

_And it worked. Keith flinched and lifted his bayard, before inwardly cursing himself. He took a step backwards and the circling came to a halt. Now, they were stood across from each other. Lotor knew Keith was weak, and Keith knew he was taking advantage of that. But he couldn't help it. He_ was _weak. He had the perfect chance to fight Lotor, to kill him, right here and now, but he couldn't. He was petrified in place._

_"Couldn't even protect your team." Lotor's voice was thick with feigned sympathy. "Look at them, Keith. All dead. Because of you."_

_Keith didn't want to look. He didn't want to be reminded of the four bodies that lay lifeless, scattered around the room. He didn't want to look at the blood dripping down Lance's head, or the gruesomely out of place bones in Pidge's body, or the sword plunged into Allura's chest, or the pool of blood surrounding Hunk. He knew they were dead, he knew it was his fault, but he couldn't look. If he looked, he'd break down._

_"Come on, Keith! Say something,_ do _something!" Lotor lifted his arms up in exasperation. It didn't last, though. "Or I'll do something instead."_

_And with that, Lotor lunged foreword, his sword on a beeline towards Keith. The movement was swift, too quick for Keith to register it, or defend himself. His eyes widened, though, as he watched the point of the sword come towards him. He felt like time moved slow, like the sword took minutes to reach him instead of seconds. The last thing he saw was Lotor's smirk, before the sword finally broke through his armour and pierced his skin._

Keith shot up in his bed. His eyes were blown wide, heart beat racing and his breathing quickened. He took a second to realise that he was in his room, in his bed, and that that was a nightmare. Still, he brought up a shaking hand to his chest, wanting to be sure that his skin was still intact. If he was still fine, the others were still fine. After feeling his heart pound against his chest for a minute, he felt satisfied that it was a dream. That didn't mean he was okay. He brought his knees up to his chest, the blanket slowly sliding away at the movement, and his hands moved up to his head to run through his sweat slicken hair.

He wasn't prepared to fight Lotor. It was just a dream, but it felt all too real. The sight of his team all dead because of him, Lotor's smirk as he struck Keith, his weakness, all of it, it all felt real. And he hated it. He was the one constantly pushing the team, trying to grab any opportunity to fight Lotor, thinking they would be able to end him given the chance. But deep down he knew that wasn't true. He knew the team was still weak, that _he_ was still weak compared to Lotor.

After taking the time to reflect on his dream, he decided he needed to do something about it. He needed to make sure that at any given moment he'd be able to take on Lotor, to protect his team. So he took in a shaky breath before sliding out of his bed and putting on his jeans. Once dressed, he grabbed his bayard and left his room, heading towards the training deck without a second thought.

The moment the training deck doors slid open, Keith mumbled a 'start training simulation' and walked into the room to take his position, his bayard forming a sword in his grip. The gladiator bot appeared, and the two began to spear. Keith let himself fall into a fighting mind set, focusing solely on the moves he was making and the moves of the bot. The two were practically in sync with their moves, evading and striking. Soon enough, Keith groaned and struck the bot to kill it and complete the level. It was too easy. Keith was used to the bot's algorithm, the way it moved, and he was perfectly capable of winning against it. He needed something harder.

"Start training level 15." _That should do it_ , he decided. It was a level he'd never gone to before in training, meaning it was a different algorithm, a different fighting style, a lot more advanced than Keith. It was Lotor, metaphorically speaking. Keith took a few steps backwards as the new bot appeared, but soon enough, the fight began again.

This was significantly harder, as suspected. Keith was lost in his moves, but not in the same way as before. Before, he was calm and calculated, but now, it was a matter of fighting to avoid getting hit. Which was what a _real_ fight was like, not a practised, synchronised training session. The bot had the upper hand for the majority of the fight, and it even managed to strike Keith a few times, but he kept going. He felt his breathing begin to get heavier and felt sweat on his forehead, but none of it stopped him from fighting. He wouldn't be able to take a break in a real fight, so why should he now?

 

A few hours later and the rest of the team were awake and going for breakfast. With a few sleepy good mornings, they all got their food and sat down at the table, beginning to eat. As usual, it was quiet. They always got up early, which resulted in the first half an hour of their day being spent with barely open eyes, eating their breakfast-style food goo without much thought. So, it took them a while to realise that Keith wasn't sat with them.

"Keith," Hunk began, before yawning. "What're we doing today?"

Silence. They all waited for a second, but when there was no reply, Hunk spoke again. "Keith?"

The second silence caused the whole team to wake up properly, looking over to Keith's seat, only for it to be empty.

"Isn't he usually the first up?" Pidge asked, confused by his absence.

"Yeah, dude wouldn't know a lie-in if it slapped him in the face." Lance furrowed his brows.

 "So where is he?" Allura piped in.

The team all fell quiet for a second until the penny collectively dropped.

"Training." They all mumbled in unison.

"Of course. Who's gonna go get him?" Lance looked around the table expectedly. 

The fourth silence of the morning fell over the table, so when Lance sighed and got up, he purposely pushed his chair back so that it made an annoying squeaking noise against the floor. "Guess it's me."

The others glared at Lance for the noise, but didn't complain since they were able to eagerly go back to eating their breakfast. Lance trudged through the hallways until he reached the training deck, standing outside for a second. He rubbed at his eyes, knowing he'd need to be somewhat more awake to deal with Keith this early in the morning. Once he felt as prepared as he could, he opened up the doors and walked inside.

The sight definitely wasn't what he was used to. He'd had to come and get Keith from the training deck more times than he cared to remember, but usually, he had to admit, it was kind of nice to watch Keith fight for a minute. Usually, his moves were almost hypnotic, his agile body ducking and running around the deck in a mesmerising fight that he'd probably win. But today, that wasn't what he saw. Keith looked even more pale than normal, his body was almost slouched, and his moves were messy. It also looked like the bot was beating him, and without much effort, either. Lance furrowed his brows, walking further into the room.

"Keith, buddy, you're missing breakfast."

"Busy," Keith mumbled as he barely missed another hit.

"How long have you been in here?" Lance questioned, noticing the sweat on the boy and the dark circles under his eyes.

"Dunno."

"Dude, stop. Come to breakfast. _Take a break._ " Lance's voice sounded annoyed, though somewhere underneath, he was a little worried about Keith overtraining himself.

"No." Keith wasn't even looking over at Lance as he spoke, focused solely on his fight.

Lance groaned, walking over to the main control panel for all of the equipment on the deck, manually overriding the training bot to shut it off. When the bot disappeared in front of Keith, he angrily turned around to look at Lance.

"Why did you do that?"

"Because you're going to get yourself killed." Lance deadpanned, walking back over to Keith.

"The bot can't kill us."

"Not by the bot," Lance rolled his eyes, before poking Keith's chest. "By yourself. Overworking is bad, Keith. Bad." He drawled the words out, as if talking to a child.

Keith huffed, turning away from Lance and walking towards the door. Lance watched him go with a slight glare, but didn't stop him, because at least he was leaving the deck.

"Make sure you come and get some breakfast, Keith." Lance's voice was a bit softer that time, but it was only met with the sound of the doors sliding shut.

Lance waited a second longer before leaving the training deck himself and heading back to the dining room. He knew he was perhaps a little harsh on Keith, but he didn't know how else to get through to him. Still, he hoped that he'd listened to him and would join the others for some breakfast.

As Lance flopped back into his seat to continue eating his own food, the others looked to him with confused gazes as they realised he was alone, which meant that Keith still hadn't come down.

"Where is he?" Hunk was the first to ask.

"I don't know, probably sulking in his room. I shut down the training bot because he wouldn't stop fighting." His first statement was almost ironic, because he was sulking a little himself.

"How long was he in there?" Allura seemed a little worried.

Lance gave a shrug. "He said he didn't know. By the looks of him, it was at least a few hours."

"Maybe he's gone to sleep." Pidge suggested, and Hunk nodded.

"Yeah, probably exhausted himself."

"I hope." Lance practically whispered, going back to his food.

The others all went back to eating but this time it wasn't entirely silent, conversation was occasionally being made, though Lance stayed out of it somewhat. He couldn't stop thinking about Keith, about the way he was fighting. It was really strange to see him like that, and he didn't like it. He knew Keith was one for overworking himself, and they were all used to it, but sometimes he took it to dangerous levels. And while Lance would never outwardly show it, he was worried for him.

Keith had a glare plastered on his face as he walked through the hallways. He wanted to keep fighting, but he knew the others would find him in the training deck too easily. He didn't _care_ if he was overworking himself, if that was what it took to be stand a chance against Lotor then so be it. He needed to be able to protect the others, no matter what happens to him. Lost in his thoughts, he barely noticed Coran walking in the other direction, smiling as he passed Keith.

"Ah, Keith! Done with breakfast already?" He asked, cheery as usual, but only got a slight grumble in response. He looked back at Keith with a slightly confused gaze, but shrugged, continuing on blissfully ignorant.

Keith wanted to go back to his room, go find somewhere else to train, do _something_ , but his empty stomach was screaming at him, so with a resigned sigh, he turned towards the dinning room. He ignored the others gazes landing on him immediately, taking some food goo and sitting down in his seat. Everyone had a look of relief, but Lance's was probably the most prominent. He was just glad that Keith had listened to him.

"How're you doing, buddy?" Hunk asked with a smile on his face.

"Fine," Keith mumbled as he began to eat his food, keeping his gaze down.

"You don't look it." Pidge commented.

"I'm _fine_." Keith repeated, clearly irritable.

"Why were you training so early, Keith?" Allura asked, not to interrogate, but because she was genuinely curious, and cared.

"Why weren't all of you?" Keith countered, looking up to glare around at them. "Lotor's out there, and we can't do anything about it because we're too _weak_!"

Keith's voice raised to a yell, which then caused everyone else to gape at him, but no one dared to reply. After a moment, Keith grabbed his bowl and got back up, leaving the room without so much as a glance back at the team. No one went after him, and after a minute, they all turned their gazes back to each other.

"So that's what he's so worked up about..."

"Yeah. I wonder if he even slept last night?"

Lance frowned at that suggestion. He definitely didn't like the idea of Keith being awake all night, training to exhaustion. He'd just have to keep an eye on him. And it seemed he wasn't the only one thinking that.

"I'm sure if we all work together, we can help Keith." Allura suggested with a smile, trying to be optimistic. "If he's not sleeping because he's stressed, we could find some ways to relax him. I happen to know Altean methods for it."

"I could make him some chamomile tea!" Hunk perked up. "Or.. The closest alien equivalent!"

Allura nodded, her smile becoming more genuine. "That's a good idea. Pidge, Lance, can you two help?"

"I can come up with something, sure." Pidge nodded.

"And you, Lance?"

"Yeah, I guess." Lance tried not to seem too enthusiastic, but really, he did want to help out Keith as much as he could.

"So it's settled. We'll all work together to help Keith get some sleep."

 


	2. Chapter two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Allura tries to make Keith to de-stress, and the plan to help him continues!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have no restraint so here is the next chapter not even three days after i posted the first
> 
> enjoy!

The team went about their day mostly as usual, but they were all on the look out for Keith. They weren't entirely sure where he had gone to, but they decided to let him be alone. Throughout the day, one of them would take a quick glance in the training deck to make sure he wasn't in there, though. Because if he wasn't, they knew he couldn't be doing anything too extreme in the way of training. Besides, they all had their own ideas to calm Keith down.

Luckily, later on in the day, Keith made an appearance in the control room, where Allura was already. As she heard someone enter, she turned to look and at the sight of Keith, her eyes lit up a little.

"Keith!" She called eagerly, waking over. "I was looking for you."

"What's up?" He asked, seemingly more calm than earlier.

"I know how you're feeling, so I wanted to ask if you'd like to do some training with me?"

Keith nodded immediately, already turning around to walk back out of the control room. "Let's go."

Allura furrowed her brows at how quick he was to accept, but she supposed in his current state, training was all he wanted to do. She followed him out, before picking up her pace so they were walking side by side. There was a slightly uncomfortable silence between them as they walked, but Allura knew that Keith wasn't one for small talk normally, so she didn't even attempt it right now. It was only a short walk until the training deck anyway, and as soon as they entered, Keith summoned his bayard into his hand.

"Actually," Allura began as she saw the sword forming. "You won't need that."

"What do you mean? I need my bayard to fight."

Allura smiled. "We aren't fighting."

"What? You said we were going to train."

"And we are!" She walked over to a hidden cupboard in the wall, pulling out two mats. "But a different kind."

Keith watched her with a glare as she walked back over, laying out the mats on the floor. "These are special Altean exercise moves, made to stretch out the body and make it stronger."

"I'm not doing yoga, Allura."

"So you know it!" She ignored his refusal, stepping onto her mat. "Give it a try, Keith. Training isn't all about fighting."

Keith stared at her for a minute longer, but knowing she wasn't going to back down, he reluctantly retracted his bayard and stepped onto his own mat. At least she wasn't trying to drag him out of the training room, like Hunk had done earlier when he spotted him nearing the doors. Allura's smile grew into a grin as Keith joined her, and she immediately stepped into the first pose.

"Just follow my moves. These are highly beneficial, and can be tailored to whatever you need." Which, in his case, was relaxation. But she wasn't about to tell him that, for the fear that he'd storm off.

Keith did his best to copy Allura's movements, and they were silent as they did the first few moves. Keith admittedly fell into the rhythm of the movements they were doing, getting better at holding the positions as they went along. Allura smiled as she caught a glance of him, hoping her plan was working.

"Let the energy flow through you body as you move," Allura spoke softly, leaning down into another position. "It relaxes the body and clears your mind."

And that was when Keith stopped, standing back up. "We don't have _time_ to relax, Allura! We need to be prepared for any attack Lotor could make!"

Allura sighed, slowly lifting herself out of the position, responding to Keith's growing anger calmly. "And part of being ready is having a fully refreshed body. You can't fight if you're exhausted, mentally or physically."

"I don't care about being exhausted," Keith practically growled. "I _care_ about being able to beat Lotor in a fight."

And with that, Keith turned around to walk straight back out of the training deck. Allura sighed as she watched him go, sad that her methods couldn't help Keith, and that this stress was clearly getting to him. Reluctantly, she packed away the mats and left the training deck herself, going to find the others. It wasn't a surprise to her when she didn't see Keith at all on her way back, because if there was one thing Keith was good at, it was hiding. If he didn't want to be found, looking for him would be pointless. Still, she went about her way looking for the others, instead, and found Hunk and Lance hanging out in the kitchen. Hunk was experimenting with what could work best as a chamomile substitute, and Lance was sat on the counter, there to test the different flavours as well as just to spend time with Hunk.

"So, any luck?" Hunk asked as soon as Allura came into view. He seemed hopeful, but Lance was the opposite.

"No.." Allura sighed. "It started off well, but as soon as I mentioned relaxation he stormed off again."

Both Hunk and Lance frowned at the answer. "He really is stressed, huh?"

"And the fact that he's working instead of sleeping isn't helping." Lance added on. "He's grumpy enough with 8 hours of sleep, this is a whole other level."

Hunk and Allura hummed in agreement, and after a moment of silence, Pidge entered the room, too. She wore a look of confusion and worry as she came over to stand by Allura.

"I just saw Keith. He looks _more_ stressed. How is that even possible?"

"Allura tried to make him relax." Lance supplied.

"Ah."

Allura decided to move the conversation on from her failed attempt at helping Keith. "So, Lance, have you thought of what you're going to do yet?"

Lance flopped down onto the counter so he was lying on it, narrowly avoiding all of the cups Hunk had out. He sighed deeply, running his hands over his face. "No. I'm the last person he'd accept help from, he'd probably run away before I could open my mouth."

"What if.. He can't run away?" Pidge mused.

"Like, locking them in a room together?" Hunk raised an eyebrow.

"No way!" That suggestion caused Lance to shoot back up, glaring at Hunk and Pidge. "He'd kill me!"

"Not that.." Pidge continued, pushing her glasses up her nose. "You'd need to be somewhere that Keith can't run away from, but he doesn't feel stressed in. You know, so he _doesn't_ kill you."

"Does such a place exist?" Allura's question was genuine, but that didn't stop a smirk playing at her lips.

Lance's angry and somewhat perplexed expression melted into a knowing one. "Red."

"But he's no longer Red's paladin."

"There's still a connection between them. I can tell." There was a hidden note of sadness in Lance's voice then, because he could feel that, but not his own connection with Blue anymore.

"But he can still run away." Hunk commented.

"Not if we're not in the castle. Allura, you're going to have to give us a fake mission to go on."

"I can, but.. I'm not convinced that Keith will go willingly on a mission right now. All he cares about is Lotor."

Lance's face fell, but Pidge just shrugged. "So say there's some intel on Lotor, and they're only willing to tell the Black Paladin."

"That could work, but then wouldn't it make more sense for Keith to go alone, in the Black Lion?" Hunk furrowed his brows.

Everyone fell quiet in thought for a second, before Lance spoke up again. "A planet with a hot atmosphere. At the Blade of Marmora base, Shiro and Keith went in Red because it can handle high temperatures, right?"

"Yes. I'll go to Coran and we will identify the closest planet that would work." Allura gave a smile and a nod before heading out of the kitchen.

"God.. We're really making this complicated." Lance lay back down on the counter, but with more care than last time.

"But it's to help Keith." Hunk added on to try and be optimistic.

"Yeah, not that he'll appreciate it though." Lance closed his eyes. "If Shiro were here, he'd probably just put his hand on Keith's shoulder and say 'Keith, you've got to rest. Stress won't get you anywhere.' and boom, Keith would be fine." He did a half-hearted impression of Shiro hoping it'd distract the others from the sadness creeping back into his voice.

He didn't want to be jealous, because he knew Shiro and Keith were practically brothers, so it made sense that they were close and Keith was more inclined to open up to or take advice from Shiro. He just wished he had the ability to make Keith feel better. At this point, he'd even settle just for getting Keith to go to sleep. He also knew that it was his own fault, too, because instead of making an effort to form any kind of meaningful relationship with Keith, he was keeping up their pointless rivalry. But maybe now was his chance to step up and help Keith.

Hunk and Pidge had carried on conversation, but Lance had stopped listening, drowning them out with his own thoughts. He stayed there for a while, lying on that counter, with Hunk and Pidge happily continuing their conversation until Allura's voice came over the comms, snapping Lance out of his haze.

"Paladins, I need you _all_ to come down to the control room, immediately." She clearly emphasised 'all' as though to let Keith know that this wasn't optional.

Lance sat up and hopped off of the counter, him, Pidge and Hunk all heading down to the control room together, already knowing what was going on. They got there before Keith, though they all could've predicted that. After a few minutes, they were all thinking that someone should go and find him, but their thoughts were interrupted by the doors opening. All gazes turned towards Keith as he walked in, and he seemed to be pretty uncomfortable with it. Though, they couldn't tear their gazes away. It seemed as though he was getting worse every time they saw him. The bags under his eyes were becoming more and more obvious, and overall he just seemed more scruffy than usual. It was Allura who drew the attention away from him.

"So, I called you all down here because we have received news from a nearby planet. They want to speak to you, Keith."

Keith furrowed his brows. "Tell them we're busy, we don't have time for this."

"I think you might change your mind.."

"We have reason to believe the citizens and leaders of planet Glaucarro have some useful intel on Lotor." Coran added on. "And with the request of you, Keith, we think they're planning to tell us."

Keith was quiet for a moment, almost calculating. "Fine. I'll go down, but I'm not staying for long. And I'm going alone."

 

"That will prove an issue. The planet's atmosphere is significantly hotter than anything we're used to. So, you'll have to go in the Red Lion, with Lance." Allura gave a curt smile.

Keith looked between Allura and Lance, who was avoiding looking back at Keith. With a resigned sigh, Keith nodded. "Okay."

"It'll still take us a quintant to reach Glaucarro." Coran pointed to it on a map. "So, you should all get some rest and prepare!"

"That'll be all."

With Allura's dismissal, Keith was out of the room before any of the others could even turn around. The others shared a look, before they all went their separate ways, too. It was starting to get late, so they all wanted to get some sleep, and just had to hope that Keith would, too. Everyone went and settled down in their beds, but Lance found himself lying awake long after everyone else had gone to sleep. He couldn't stop thinking about Keith. He knew he was going through a lot right now, with Shiro being gone, being the Black Paladin, and having Lotor on the loose, and it was clearly taking its toll on him. And it didn't seem like he was going to take anyone's help, though that didn't mean they weren't going to try. He sighed, turning onto his side, trying to force his mind to clear and let him get some sleep, so he didn't end up in the same position.

Keith's body had tried to make him get some sleep, as he practically passed out when he sat down on his bed. But his sleep wasn't peaceful. The nightmare returned. It begun the same, him and Lotor circling each other, but this time, the team were alive. At least, for the beginning of the dream. When they tried to intervene in the fight, Keith couldn't protect them when Lotor attacked, and they were all killed, in front of his eyes, because of his mistake. The rest of the dream continued as it had the night before, and Keith awoke when Lotor made the move to kill him. Once more, Keith found himself shooting up in his bed, a panting, sweating mess. He sighed, not taking the time like last night to dwell on it.

It was night, no one else was going to be awake, so he was going to take advantage of that. He grabbed his bayard and headed straight towards the training deck. Only, someone else was awake. And the sounds of the doors opening and Keith walking through the halls definitely caught Lance's attention. He could already guess what was going on, so he pulled himself out of bed to go after him. He waited for a moment, to make sure Keith wouldn't hear him, before heading out into the halls himself. He yawned, rubbing his hands over his eyes before trailing after Keith. When he reached the training deck, he didn't bother to think of any way to approach him and instead just went straight inside, too tired for anything else.

"Keith, go to bed."

Keith narrowed his eyes as he turned to look at Lance. "Why are you here?"

"Because you're an idiot, that's why."

"I'm just trying to make sure-"

"You can fight Lotor, _we know_. Broken record, buddy." Lance knew he was being slightly snappy but hey, he was tired too.

Keith seemed a bit taken aback by Lance's interruption, not responding.

"In fact," Lance took Keith's silence as a prompt to continue, even if it wasn't. "Isn't that all you've said to us this past day?"

"Sorry that I want to be prepared." Keith's voice was thick with annoyance.

"Keith, buddy, dude, my man, how many times do we have to tell you? Exhausting yourself isn't being prepared, it's being stupid!"

"Whatever, Lance. You won't understand." Keith huffed, retracting his bayard and storming past Lance back out of the training deck.

Lance wanted to be annoyed by him, almost wanted to fight the statement, but he was too tired to. He was just glad that Keith was, hopefully, going back to his room. Because right now, the fact that he wasn't fighting was Lance's only care; anything else would be easier to deal with. Taking this as a win, Lance trudged back to his own room and flopped onto his bed, falling asleep almost instantly, his brain finally too exhausted to keep him up with more thoughts about Keith.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you liked that! 
> 
> honestly all i do is put keith through pain and angst im sorry the poor boy will be happy soon enough i care for his happiness too
> 
> anywaay i have nothing else to say lmao so,
> 
> comments and kudos would be super appreciated !! <3


	3. Chapter three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This time it's Coran and Pidge's turn to help Keith. 
> 
> Keith's nightmares get worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaa the penultimate chapter! 
> 
> it's a bit shorter than the others, but the next one is a bit longer, so it evens out. 
> 
> i hope you like it!

Everyone was relieved when Keith actually showed up for breakfast the next morning, but it quickly melted away. Once again, he looked worse. He pretty much looked like a walking zombie at this point; his skin was extra pale which meant the deep darkness of his under eye bags greatly contrasted and stood out more. He looked as though he hadn't slept at all, again. No one said anything, since by this point they were all aware of how sensitive he was right now, which left an uncomfortable silence lingering over the table as they all ate. None of them were planning on sticking around, so one by one, they all finished their food and left the room, and wouldn't deny the breath they let out once they left at the release of the tension in the room.

 

They didn't have much to do as they travelled towards their fake mission, so they all busied themselves with other activities. Allura was in the control room making sure the castle stayed on course, Lance and Hunk hung out in the lounge area, Pidge was in the Green Lion's hangar, trying to convince Coran of some upgrades she could make and Keith.. Well, no one knew what he was doing, but they could all imagine he was making himself worse somewhere.

 

Pidge was typing furiously on her laptop when Coran came up with a plan out of the blue that elicited laughter from her. The two discussed it for a second, Coran successfully persuading Pidge.

"I don't know if it will work, but it'd be hilarious if it did. Let's try it." She smirked.

"Alright! I'll get into position." Coran nodded before heading off towards the green lion.

"Keith," Pidge called over the comms system. "I need you down in Green's hangar. Come quick."

Keith almost wanted to ignore her, because quite frankly the team were getting on his nerves these past few days, but Pidge hadn't seemed to be at the forefront of all that. So, maybe he could have a conversation without being told to relax for once. He headed down to the Green Lion's hangar, but he was confused when he couldn't see Pidge. He walked further in, and found Coran sat on one of Green's paws.

"Coran? What are you doing in here?"

"Ah, Keith! Just on time." Coran smiled, before pointing at Green's other paw. "Why don't you take a seat?"

Keith looked confusedly between Coran and the giant mechanical paw, before sighing and sitting down. "I thought Pidge needed me."

"Not exactly." Coran pulled a clipboard out from behind him, which only made Keith more confused. "So, why don't you tell me how you're feeling?"

"No." Keith grumbled, going to stand up, but a low growl from Green made him sit back down. "What's going on?"

"Therapy!" Coran's smile curved into a smirk instead, giving a twirl of his moustache. "I'll have you know I'm a licensed psychiatrist!"

"Altea had those..?"

"Unimportant detail. So, what's on your mind, oh troubled one?"

Keith stared at Coran, unamused. "I'm not going to play along."

"Come on, Keith! I'm just trying to help you out."

"And I'm telling you I don't need your help." Keith crossed his arms over his chest.

"Hard way it is, I'll pry it out of you!" Coran leaned forward, staring deeply into Keith's eyes. "Mm, yes, you seem very troubled."

Keith countered the movement by leaning back, narrowing his eyes. "Why are you wasting my time?"

Coran ignored him, continuing on with his therapy session. "I suspect.. Lotor? Is he the root of your troubles?"

Keith scoffed, trying not to give in to it all. "He _should_ be all of our troubles. But apparently I'm the only one who cares that he's out there."

"So you're overworking yourself to try and prove you can battle him? Interesting." Coran tapped his pen against his clipboard.

Keith stood up. Green began to growl again, but Keith pulled his Marmora knife from its sheath, waving it angrily as a warning. "I'm leaving. Don't try to stop me."

Luckily for him, there was no further question about his departure, so he left the hangar without looking back. Deep down, he knew his team was just trying to help him, but in his current state, he didn't care for it, and more than usual, he didn't want to talk about his feelings. He knew they probably just wanted to know why he wasn't sleeping much, but he wasn't about to spill out all of his troubles to them, _especially_ not in some faux therapy session led by Coran, of all people. He was supposed to be their leader, he couldn't let them know how weak he was, how unable he was to protect them from Lotor. He headed back into his room, deciding he'd try, yet again, to ignore the team for a while. At least, until he had to go on that mission with Lance tomorrow.

So, when dinner time came around, Keith didn't show. He figured he could go and grab some food once everyone else was asleep, when he wouldn't be bothered with some stupid speech about stress and sleep. The others went to dinner regardless and settled down, starting to wonder if Keith's sporadic appearances were something to get used to.

"I thought we were getting somewhere." Hunk sighed. "He came to breakfast."

"This one may be Coran and I's fault," Pidge gave a smile to try and soften the blow.

Hunk, Lance and Allura stared at her to explain, so she did. "We thought.. It'd be funny if we tried to give him therapy. And helpful! But.. He didn't accept it."

Lance groaned. "You tried to give _Keith_ therapy? That plan is probably the worst yet.

Allura was disappointed, but tried to keep up some enthusiasm. "Well, at least they tried. It seems we're counting on you two now."

"Me and Hunk have got this, don't worry."

"I mean if it comes to it, we could force him to sleep."

Everyone's gazes landed on Pidge once more, only this time with more of a harsh glare. She held her hands up in a surrender, though there was a smirk pulling at her lips. No one could be truly bothered to argue, though, so everyone went back to eating their own food. Soon enough, they were all retiring to their rooms for the night, knowing tomorrow could end badly, since they were making Keith go on a fake mission, and confining him in a small space with Lance. Maybe they hadn't thought it through that well. Still, it was happening and they couldn't do anything about it now.

This night was similar to the last one, and for Keith, the one before too. The rest of the castle slept peacefully, while Lance was left lying awake, staring blankly at the ceiling of his room. Keith was having another nightmare about Lotor, which again, altered slightly. This time, it was more real for him. He and Lotor weren't circling, no, this time, the dream started off with Keith and Lance in the Red Lion, on their upcoming mission when Lotor attacked. A large blast hit the lion and knocked Lance unconscious, and then Lotor left to attack the castle. Keith was screaming out, trying to fly Red, trying to wake Lance up, but nothing worked. Red wouldn't accept him, and Lance wouldn't wake up. After what felt like an eternity, Lotor was back. And Keith already knew why he was back. He'd killed the others. Keith was sobbing, a new addition to the dream, knowing that once again, he'd failed to protect his team. Lotor came onto the Red Lion. The one place Keith always felt safe, he'd taken over. And once more, the dream ended with Lotor striking the final blow on Keith.

When Keith shot up in bed this time, he was crying. He felt more helpless than he ever had before, and this time, it was a situation that could really happen. But he knew he couldn't tell the team. He couldn't cancel a mission, just because he was afraid Lotor _might_ show up, and he _might_ just kill them all. The team already thought he was acting weird, and that would probably be the last straw for them. He didn't want them to think he was failing in Shiro's place, but he knew he was. He wasn't fit to be a leader, no matter what they thought, no matter what Shiro thought, no matter what Black thought. He just wished someone else would take the place, someone more capable. Allura, or even Lance. But again, Black had chosen him, he couldn't just back out.

He tried to calm himself, to wipe the tears from his eyes, to slow down his fast breathing and heart beat, but it was hard when the dream kept repeating itself in Keith's head. The more the scenes replayed, the angrier at himself he got, until he couldn't take it anymore. He screamed out, grabbing his pillow and throwing it across his room. But it was like he threw all of his anger away with the pillow so with the action his anger dissipated. He brought his knees up to his chest to bury his head in, wrapping his arms around himself and just sitting there. He just wanted these nightmares to go away. He felt pathetic, wallowing in his fear every night, but he was realising he couldn't do anything about it. Training didn't help, nothing the team was suggesting helped, staying awake didn't help, sleeping didn't help. He felt completely and utterly lost, and he hated it.

Lance, who was finding it hard to sleep himself, heard Keith's scream. His eyes widened, and he almost wanted to go to his room to see if he was okay. In fact, his heart ached for the boy, but he knew he couldn't just barge into his room and wrap him in a hug, as much as he wanted to. He'd never seen Keith so.. Stressed. Yeah, Keith could be angry, hot headed and impulsive, but at least then, he was still himself, and he was still good at what he did. But these past few days, Keith seemed so different so helpless, and Lance didn't like it. He knew he was doing all he could to try and make himself what he thinks is stronger, but he was actually damaging himself as he did it. Lance sighed as he turned on his side, wishing he could do something for Keith. Maybe tomorrow, when they were alone, he could get through to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> poor keefers, when will he catch a break (spoiler: soon)
> 
> i hope you liked this chapterrrr!!! last one will be up soon, which is a lot softer and happier, i promise
> 
> anyway,
> 
> comments and kudos would be super appreciated!<3


	4. Chapter four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance and Keith go on their 'mission'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and here we are! the moment you've all been waiting for!! or at least i have lol

"We have reached our destination!" Coran called cheerfully, and loudly, over the comms early the next morning, which was met by groans coming from each of the paladin's rooms.

He and Allura had been taking turns checking when they would reach Glaucarro, and it happened to be Coran who was there when they arrived, which meant an early, way too cheery wake up call. Allura, Pidge and Hunk were out of their rooms at the same time, but for Lance and Keith it took some more time. Lance had only gotten a few hours sleep, worrying about Keith had kept him up for most of the night. Keith didn't manage to get back to sleep after his nightmare once more, so he was currently running on about 3 hours of sleep over three days, and it was bad sleep at that. Keith left his room to trail after the others, but Lance stayed in his room for a while longer, in his bathroom, trying to do what he could to make it look like he hadn't lost sleep. Keith was the one they needed to worry about, so he had to make sure he looked as presentable as possible. He knew he'd be okay once Keith got some rest. Once he looked somewhat more refreshed, he headed out of his room and attempted to act as excitable as usual.

When he entered the bridge, everyone seemed at least a little tired after their unexpected wake up. But there was something else unsettling, too. Keith didn't seem angry, or irritable as he had the past two days. He finally seemed genuinely tired, and Lance wondered if he could detect a hint of sadness there as well. It made him wish he had gone into the other's room last night, because whatever happened took a big toll on him. Still, he attempted to keep focused on what was happening now, which was Allura walking over to Coran, brushing her hands through her hair. It seems she was woken up as they were.

"As Coran so _lovingly_ told us," She shot a quick glare at him, before looking back at the others. "We are as close to Glaucarro as we can take the castle. The rest of the journey will need to be in the Red Lion, so Pidge, we'll need you to plot the co-ordinates into Red for them."

Pidge gave a sleepy nod, with a mumbled "on it." She then went to sit down in her chair to do so. Of course, they hopefully wouldn't have to go all the way to the planet, but it made the plan more realistic.

"You don't have to leave right now." Allura's gaze was now focused on solely Keith and Lance. "You can have some time to wake yourselves up."

Lance nodded, looking at Keith. "How does a varga from now sound?"

"That's fine." Keith then walked off to sit down, too, resting his head in his hand.

"Alright, so it's set. You'll leave in a varga." Allura seemed glad to get the small interaction over with, heading out of the room, most likely to get properly dressed.

Hunk walked off, too, but made a gesture for Lance to follow. The two headed off into the kitchen, and Hunk pointed over at the counter which had a lot of different ingredients and cups scattered over it. He then turned away from Lance to mess around with some of it, pushing a few things off to the side and grabbed a flask from one of the cupboards. Once he poured some of the liquid into it and shut it tightly, he turned back to Lance.

"I think I've perfected the chamomile substitute," He passed the flask over. "There's enough in here for both you and Keith to take on the mission. It should make him relax a bit."

"Thanks, buddy." Lance happily took it from him. "I'm sure it'll help out a lot."

Back in the control room, Coran had left as well, leaving just Pidge and Keith in there. Pidge finished up plotting the co-ordinates and sending them over to Red's system, and then she stared over to Keith's seat. Sighing under her breath, she got up and walked over. He seemed more distant than usual, staring out into space, literally.

"Hey, Keith. The co-ordinates are all set."

Keith blinked, looking up to Pidge. "Oh, thanks."

Pidge nodded, fiddling with her thumbs for a second before speaking again. "And, look, I'm sorry about yesterday. We thought it _could_ work but.. I guess we didn't do it well."

Keith shrugged. "It's fine, don't worry about it."

Pidge seemed a little taken aback by how differently Keith was acting compared to yesterday. He wasn't snapping, there was no anger in his voice, in fact, all of him seemed a bit.. Deflated. She smiled at him, before heading out of the room and going to find Hunk and Lance.

"God, he's a wreck." She said as she walked into the kitchen, interrupting their conversation.

Neither of them were bothered by it, instead they turned to look at Pidge. "That bad?"

"Yep. I think he's hit a wall. I don't really know how he's still going."

Lance sighed. He decided that he couldn't wait any longer. He wanted to help Keith, and he knew his best shot was with the plan they'd formulated. "That's it. We're going now. Let Allura and Coran know."

Hunk and Pidge didn't bother to argue, because they'd both picked up on how Lance seemed a bit down ever since Keith was acting like this, so they were happy for them both to get back to normal as soon as possible. Lance grabbed the flask he'd put down, before he headed over to the control room, on a beeline towards Keith.

"Dude, you ready to go?" He asked without an introduction.

"What? Now?" Keith asked with a confused gaze, mostly because he wondered if a varga had somehow passed by already.

"Yeah. It's a bit early, but we've got nothing else to do, right?"

"Right." Keith stood up, ignoring the dizziness the action brought about. "I'll get changed and meet you in the hangar."

Lance nodded, and the two of them headed out of the control room to get changed into their paladin armour. Once they were ready, they headed down to the Red Lion's hangar, where the others were already waiting.

"Be careful, you two. This is an important mission, so it needs to go well." Allura gave a knowing look to Lance.

"We will! Don't wait up!" Lance smiled at them all, and headed into Red.

"And don't forget to drink!" Hunk called, motioning to the flask in Lance's hands. "It's hot there, you don't want to dehydrate!"

"We got it! Thanks, Hunk!"

Keith gave a small wave as he stepped into the lion, though he didn't say any kind of cheery goodbye as Lance had. As soon as he walked into the Red Lion and felt the familiar presence wash over him, he did feel a bit relaxed. However, he couldn't ignore the anxiety eating away at the back of his mind that kept bringing his nightmare back into his thoughts. He didn't want to think that there was anyway that Lotor would find him and Lance as they travelled, but he couldn't help the intrusive thoughts. Still, he tried not to let it affect the mission, walking into the cockpit to lean against one of the walls, looking over at Lance who was taking his seat. As the Red Lion took off and left the castle, the two remained in silence. It took a while before Lance spoke up.

"Do you want some of the tea Hunk made?" He offered, looking away from the controls to grab the flask and hold it out for Keith. "It's really good."

Keith's eyes widened as Lance stopped focusing on where they were headed. He snatched the flask so he could push Lance away. "Keep your eyes on flying the lion!"

Lance furrowed his brows at Keith. "Whoa, what's got into you? We're perfectly on course, we're fine." He tapped the little screen with the map on it for emphasis.

"That doesn't mean it will _go_ perfectly." Keith huffed, closing his eyes. But when images of Lotor's fighter flying towards them flashed in his mind, they snapped back open.

If only to distract himself from Lance's gaze which was still on him, he fiddled with the flask to open it and pour himself some of the tea into the lid. Lance sighed a little. He thought they'd get a bit further away before the awkwardness of him trying to help would start, but looks like it's happening now.

"What do you mean? We have a course set, nothing will go wrong."

"You don't know that!" Keith looked back up to Lance, worry obvious in his wide eyes, but they quickly flicked back down. When he spoke again, his voice was softer, quieter, smaller. "You don't know that."

Lance's heart was aching once again. "Look, I'll put Red on auto pilot." He turned back to press a few buttons, but he was quick to look back at Keith. "What are you so worried about?"

"What we should all be worried about." Though he tried, he couldn't sound as serious about it as he was before. "Lotor, Lance. He's out there. He could strike at any second."

"He hasn't been seen anywhere, he's not a threat right now." Lance kept his voice soft.

"He's always a threat. Every time we go up against him, he wins. He's better than us. He's better than me." Keith voice gradually got quieter, until it was almost inaudible.

"Keith.." Lance sighed. "Is that what all of this is about?"

Keith sipped at the tea, which was enough of an answer for Lance. "You don't have to face Lotor alone. We're a team, we'll do it together."

Keith closed his eyes. But again, that didn't last long. "Not if he gets to you. I won't be able to protect you."

Lance chewed on his lip for a second. "Who's to say he'll get to us?"

Keith turned slightly away from Lance, continuing to drink the tea, so Lance kept trying to get through to him, to understand why he was so stressed right now. "Have you... Had nightmares about it?"

Keith gave a defeated sigh, nodding his head so slightly that Lance almost missed it. That's why he was so stressed, why he hadn't been sleeping. Lance kind of wondered what must have happened last night for Keith to react so differently, so... Emotionally. Lance figured this could go horribly, but he was a little sleep deprived himself, and he just had to hope Keith was in a state to not care so much about keeping his walls up.

"C'mere, Keith."

Keith looked back at Lance with a raised eyebrow, so Lance just opened his arms up. Keith stared for a moment longer, so Lance gave in. He stood up, gently took the flask out of Keith's hand and placed it on the side, before wrapping Keith in a tight hug. Keith stiffened a bit, not sure why this was happening or how he should feel about it.

"This is where you hug back, y'know."

Keith relaxed a little, slowly lifting his arms to hug Lance back. They stayed there for a sweet second, before anxiety crept back into Keith's mind, and he pulled away from the hug to walk over to the front of the cockpit to look outside, checking vigorously for anything that looked suspiciously like Lotor's fighter. Lance frowned as Keith moved away, and he stood for a second, watching him. Clearly, whatever was going through his head was eating at him. So, Lance walked over, gently but firmly wrapping his arms around Keith once more and lifting him just slightly off of the ground. He then sat down in the pilot seat, pulling Keith down with him so he was sat in his lap. Keith's eyes widened at the movement, and he looked at Lance with a confused gaze.

"What are you doing?"

"Forcing you to calm down." Lance shrugged.

Keith almost made an attempt to get up, but Lance's grip tightened a little. So, he huffed and shifted so he was more comfortable. He was sat across Lance, leaning his legs over the side of the chair and, though he wouldn't admit it, he was leaning against Lance slightly.

Lance smiled as Keith did so, glad he was slowly letting his walls come down. "Do you want to talk about your nightmares?"

Keith didn't answer, so Lance added on: "Look, forget about any of our rivalry, our bickering, anything. I don't have to say anything to the others about this, either. I'm here for you to talk to me. In private. I'm not going to think any less of you, Keith."

Keith thought about it for a second, and he wasn't sure if it was his sleep deprivation or something else, but he... Felt okay about talking to Lance.

"They're usually the same. I'm fighting Lotor. He.. He's already killed, or does kill, you guys and I... couldn't stop him. Then.. He kills me."

Lance shifted his arms so he was holding Keith in more of a protective hug. He'd had his own share of nightmares before, and knew how real they can feel, so he could understand now why Keith was freaking out so much.

"Last night's was different." Keith continued, and Lance figured. He wouldn't say that he'd heard Keith, but he knew something must've happened. "It was today. He knocked you out, and went to kill the others. Red wouldn't let me pilot, and I couldn't wake you up. So I couldn't save the others. God.. I must sound pathetic."

Lance shook his head, holding him close. "You don't. You can't help having nightmares."

"Yeah, but you can stop them from getting to you this much."

"Not really. They're literally in your brain, and usually, they stay there. If anything, you were trying to help yourself."

"That's not what everyone else thought. That's not what you thought, either."

"I know, and I'm sorry. But... You've gotta let us help you out, man. We're a team."

"And I'm supposed to be the leader. I'm _not_ supposed to be weak."

"We don't think you're weak!" Lance was a bit shocked, because this was _Keith_. One of the strongest people he knew. "Keith, nothing could make me think you're weak. You're one of the best fighters I've ever met."

"Yet here I am, I couldn't take Lotor on in a fight."

"But no one expects you to. We'll fight him as a team."

Keith just groaned, resting his head in the crook of Lance's neck, letting his eyes fall closed. Lance tried not to stiffen at the movement, and he was so glad Keith closed his eyes, because he could feel his cheeks heating up.

"Hey, listen." His voice became much more soft and quiet, hoping Keith might sleep. "None of this makes you weak. Coming to talk to us wouldn't, either. We're all here for you. Just stop overworking yourself. It's scary, man. I don't know what we'd do if something happened to you.." He sighed quietly, but quickly moved on.   
"I know you've got a lot going on, and it's hard to take the place as our leader, but Black wouldn't have chosen you if it didn't think you could handle it."

As he spoke, he lifted his hand up to Keith's head and started running his hands through his hair idly. "You're amazing, Keith. You're the best pilot I've ever seen, your fighting skills are incredible, and you're strong. Physically and mentally. If I had to deal with what you do, I couldn't handle it. But you don't have to handle it alone, you know. You don't have to be afraid to talk to us. We care for you."

Keith's breathing evened out, his body finally relaxing completely. Lance gave a small smile. He didn't bother to keep talking, knowing Keith was asleep, but he kept stroking his hair. After a few minutes, his own eyelids grew heavy, since he hadn't gotten a lot of sleep these past few nights, either. And it didn't take long for him to drift off to sleep, though he wasn't sure when it happened. His head gently fell against Keith's, and for the first time in a few days, they both slept peacefully. No nightmares bothered Keith, and no awake Keith bothered Lance. Red sent out a low, rumbling purr, happy to see both of her paladins finally getting some rest. She stayed on course for a few vargas, before turning around and heading back to the castle, making sure they'd get enough sleep before they got back.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :')) 
> 
> i hope you liked this !!! honestly i wrote it all just to be a long winded way to get keith and lance to cuddle lmao, im weak for klance 
> 
> comments and kudos would be super appreciated!<3
> 
> also, incase you wanted to reach me elsewhere, my twitter is @mothmankeith and my tumblr is theredpaladn (no i!) <33

**Author's Note:**

> Operation make Keith sleep is ago! 
> 
> One thing I wanna clarify is I know Coran's interaction seems a bit random lol, but it's because originally that bit was going to be different, so when I changed it I decided to leave that in purely because I love Coran okay 
> 
> I hope you liked this !! More will be coming sooon, I've been a bit reluctant to upload this so I already have more written for it lmao
> 
> Comments and kudos would be super appreciated!<3


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